


Sheep Dip

by Angelci5



Category: The Professionals
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Humour, M/M, Older Lads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-29
Updated: 2011-08-29
Packaged: 2017-10-23 05:11:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/246607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelci5/pseuds/Angelci5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A phone conversation between Bodie and Doyle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sheep Dip

**Author's Note:**

> Written in January 2010, when Britain was doing a fair impression of the North Pole.

_*ring ring* *ring ring*_

“Hello?”

“It’s me.”

“What’s happened?”

“Who said anything had happened?”

“Bodie, you’ve only gone to the village to get some milk, you’ll be back here in ten minutes, why else would you ring unless something had happened?”

“You know what, you should’ve been a copper.”

“Nice try, sunshine, now tell me what’s happened?”

“Nothing’s happened… just might be a bit longer than ten minutes, that’s all.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on.”

“Bodie...”

“I’ve just been slightly delayed…”

“ _Bo_ die!”

“Alright, alright... I crashed the car.”

“You what?! You stupid, bloody, reckless-”

“Thanks very much for your concern, mate, but don’t worry I’m fine...”

“I should hope you _are_ fine, driving that bloody tank! What happened, anyone else involved?”

“Hit a bit of ice up by Mike’s farm... slid off the road and into a ditch. Surprised a few sheep in the next field, but no other casualties.”

“Mike’s farm? What the hell you doing over there?”

“I was taking the scenic route home.”

“Don’t give me that, went off on a little joy-ride in the snow, more like… Won't it start now, then?”

“Yeah it starts, but I can’t get it out the ditch. I’ve rung Mike, he’s on his way. Going to pull me out with the tractor.”

“So let’s get this straight. That bloody great 4x4 you insisted on buying, because it would be so invaluable to us in winter, has skidded in the snow and is now stuck in a ditch?”

“...”

“Well?”

“It was ice, Ray, not snow... even a Range Rover’s not infallible.”

“You were going too fast, weren’t you? Couldn’t resist trying it out in the snow, see how it handled… probably doing bloody handbrake turns, weren’t you? Pillock!”

“Course I wasn’t-”

“I know you too well, mate! That’s why you were so keen to go out soon as you drew the curtains this morning and saw the weather!”

“I offered to go out in freezing conditions to get milk for your coffee out of the goodness of my heart, and this is all the thanks I get...”

“Save it, mate, it won’t wash… What’s the damage anyway?”

“Not much, I don’t think, bull bars took the brunt of it...”

“Not to the car, you prat, to Mike’s property?”

“Oh. Well, yeah, there’s a bit of a gap where the hedge should be..."

“Terrific. Mike will be pleased. So how long you going to be?”

“Dunno, not long I hope… getting bloody cold standing here.”

“But you’re all right, aren’t you? Didn’t give that thick head of yours a knock or anything?”

“No… just my pride.”

“…Want me to come out and keep you company?”

“Nah, you stay put… no point both of us freezing our nuts off.”

“All right… well soon as you get yourself back here, I’ll warm up any freezing parts you might have. How’s that sound?”

“Almost worth crashing the car for…”

“Prat. Ring me when you’re on your way, right?”

“Yes mum. See you later.”

 _Silly sod._

The End


End file.
